Tuesday, December 8, 2009

When was the last time you cried?

I know you all get them, the emails that want to know more about you. What your middle name is, favorite color, food, ect. And without fail the question "When was the last time you cried?" is always on there. I would like to explore that a little bit, and I mean a little bit. Here is a slight opening into my thoughts on crying. Emotion. Deep emotion. 

My face is the book to how I feel or what I think. I do not try to hide fear, anxiety, joy, anger, or frustration. These emotions are on my face for the world to see. But that is where I draw the line. Crying is not something I am comfortable with. There is a reason I refuse to read certain books and watch certain movies. It is not cleansing for me to cry, so the chick flicks are not something I enjoy.  But the good news is (and I am sure you are on the edge of your seat) I do infact cry, a lot.  And I am here to tell you when and were, then the question that haunts me can haunt me no more. 

Let me first start with defining crying.  Crying, to me, is tears in your eyes (may or may not spill over) and an ache in your heart. Sobbing is another beast...I do not do that! So let me tell you what makes me cry and when the last time I did it.

Love. Love for my country. Love for the American Flag, for the National Anthem, for the Star Spangeled Banner, for the Pledge of Alliegence.  Love for the soliders and their families that sacrifice all they have.  Love for the Olympics and the pride I feel when I watch the athletes compete for my country. Love for my religion. Love for my Savior Jesus Christ.  Love for my Heavenly Father, the scriptures, the callings, and the blessings poured down upon my head.  Love for my religious leaders, the time and effort they put into their calling, the familes that allow them to do so. Love for my family and the knowledge that I have taken a path they did not have planned for me. 

Children.  Children with disabilities, that are treated unfairly. Children with disabilities that are treated fairly but still have the cursed disability.  The breath taking beauty of my children.  The God given talents that they are blessed with and watching them perform with those talents.  Listening to them tell me of their hopes, dreams, and ambitions.  The unbelievably open future at their fingertips.  Stepping back and watching them interact with others.  Hearing others compliment them on their special Spirit.  Seeing sickness devour their bodies.  The fear of heartaches they have to endure as part of life.  The thought of one day letting them go, having to step back, trusting the world to love them as much as I do.  The frustration of not being able to give them all they desire. Looking them in the eyes and seeing disappointment. Knowing they are mine. Mine to protect, mine to hold, mine to love.

Music.  Anything by Enya, John Schmidt, or Paul Cardall. Song Titles: You Belong With Me by Taylor Swift, Fireflies by Faith Hill and Ocean City, Second Chance by Shinedown, Over the Rainbow by everyone, White Flag by Dido, Doesn't Matter by Linkin Park, The Reason by Hoobastank, Fall for You by Secondhand Serinade, My Immortal by Evenascence, Whatever It Takes, Lifehouse, What About Now by Chris Daughtry, Breathe in Breathe out by Matt Kearney. Any and all Musicals, especially when a dear friend is performing in it, or my daughter.  The one musical admitedly openly weaped at was Wicked in New York City.  Soundtracks that can transport me back to the movie, taking me away from the stress and kaos of my life. Lord of the Rings, of course, and don't leave out Pirates of the Carribbean, and Harry Potter.  Peter Pan, Legends of the Fall, Last Samauri, Narnia, Memoirs of a Geisha, Stardust, Beowulf, Last of the Mohicans, Slumdog Millionaire, Pans Labrinyth, August Rush, Kingdom of Heaven, and Gladiator. Hans Zimmer and Alan Silvestri are well known names at my house. Music that can take my heart and wrench it, tug at it, lift it, or dash it away. And many many more artists that have slipped my mind...

So when was the last time I cried? Every minute of every day.